You have just learned that you are pregnant with your second child and you and your partner could not be more thrilled. Your little one at home, however, is another story. And you are concerned.
Know that it is entirely normal to see a full range of emotions when your child hears the news of a new baby joining the family. Excitement, jealousy, confusion, and even disappointment are not uncommon. Children may also worry that they will be “pushed out” and replaced by this new family member and be unhappy about the thought of sharing your love and attention.
Your children will need your patient understanding and time to adjust.
Along the way, here are some things that you as a parent can do to help:
- 1Several months ahead, start talking about babies in general, then talk about your baby.
- 2Get to the library for books on being a big brother or sister and read together.
- 3Visit friends with babies so they can practice helping you put on a diaper or clothes.
- 4Show your child pictures of when they were younger and share sweet stories from that time.
- 5Help your child feel connected, even before the baby is born. Let them “touch your bump,” feel when the baby kicks, and listen to its heartbeat.
- 6Prepare them by explaining that the baby will sleep and cry and need lots of extra help.
- 7Arrange for quality time with your child before the baby comes. Use this alone time to chat with them about any worries or questions they might have about getting a new baby sibling.
- 8Make them feel like part of the event and how important their role will be. Some ideas include: having them help decorate the nursery, help come up with names, or make a special gift for the new sibling.
- 9Give them lots of extra hugs and reassurance.
Child therapist and mother of three, Jennifer Brischetto, LMHC shares: “My daughter hated that I was pregnant for the 3rd time. She was maybe 9 years old. The best thing for her was helping pick names and including her with picking out clothes and baby items . . . She was scared that the family would change and wouldn’t be the same as it was. She kept saying ‘It’s fine the way it is.’ But when her brother came, she loved him and helped out a lot.”
Child therapist and mother of three, Jennifer Brischetto, LMHC shares: “My daughter hated that I was pregnant for the 3rd time. She was maybe 9 years old. The best thing for her was helping pick names and including her with picking out clothes and baby items . . . She was scared that the family would change and wouldn’t be the same as it was. She kept saying ‘It’s fine the way it is.’ But when her brother came, she loved him and helped out a lot.”
No matter how much thought, effort, and time you put into preparing your child for a new baby, they may still react with hesitation. Just remember, whatever they are feeling is okay. The key is to validate any and all feelings that your child is having.
Once home from the hospital, the bond between the baby & your child will have a chance to grow. Handling your child’s full range of emotions in an open and non-judgmental way will help ill feelings diminish over time and be replaced with warmth and love.
Booklists for children on this topic:
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- 3
- 4
